


Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth

by evieplease



Series: Wet Start One shots [4]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Presents, Christmas Smut, Dinosaurs, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Strip Tease, plumber
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:58:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evieplease/pseuds/evieplease
Summary: It's Rocky and the puns are flying, ducklings! Great thanks as usual to Catwinchester. More Rocky will come. Also, I'll be moving all my writing here from t*mblr soon.





	Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth

**Author's Note:**

> It's Rocky and the puns are flying, ducklings! Great thanks as usual to Catwinchester. More Rocky will come. Also, I'll be moving all my writing here from t*mblr soon.

"The 28th? During Christmas week??" 

I pulled my mobile away to stare at it in astonishment, before tucking it back between my ear and my shoulder as I walked to my van after clearing Mrs. Wylie’s loo again.

"Please Rocky, come clear my pipes?” I could hear the puppy dog eyes…

I snickered as he intended, inserting my key in the lock, fumbling to get the door open and keep my chin tucked into my scarf and out of the bitterly chill wind. I finally clambered in and closed the door against the cold. It was still, but very cold in the van, my breath fogging from my mouth.

"I don’t know... I don’t have a regular schedule for Christmas week, but I’m on call and someone’s pipes always blow up that week. Especially the loos. I suspect it's all that family togetherness that's making people sabotage their loos, so they have an excuse to send everyone home early...” I rambled as I stalled for time, my fingers idly teasing a knot from my hair, waiting for my engine to warm up.

"I wouldn't be surprised." Tom’s laugh was slightly maniacal. "Mum's house is crammed to the rafters with Sarah and Emma's families staying. Those two are still trying to drag me into the middle of their arguments, and now my nieces are taking lessons..!"

I snickered uncharitably at Tom in the center of all that, trying to maintain the peace and his cool at the same time. Poor Tom.

"Just so you know, Tom, I'll be charging you triple should anything unfortunate happen to your mother's plumbing! I'm on to you!" I cautioned, laughing.

Tom groaned down the phone, and it wasn't his sexy groan either.

"...And Mum has been a social whirlwind this season," he continued in a long-suffering voice. "Throwing parties and women at me unceasingly!"

"And are you catching any of them, young Thomas?" I teased, holding my fingers over the vent as blessed hot air finally began to flow.

"No! Jesus Rocky," I could practically hear him clutching at his hair, "Mum has been trying to hook me up with a nice girl! Can you imagine what qualifies as a 'nice girl' to my mother? She actually used those words, you know! 'Hook up’!” 

I could hear the finger quotes, too. I was giggling uncontrollably, until his voice dropped an octave.

"Save me, Rocky! I don't need a nice girl. I need a dirty girl..." he purred.

My laughter cut off abruptly, along with my breath. I know that tone of voice. Oh unfair! It gets me wet every time. And he bloody well knows it too!

"Right. Fine! But you better be prepared to feed me too! I'll expect a proper meal, mind you! I've had takeaway coming out my bloody ears all week!"

"Rocky, darling, if there's takeaway coming out your ears, you're not eating right..." He said seriously.

I spluttered as he laughed at me.

“All right, that’s enough laughter at my expense, Mister. Do you want to get laid or not?” 

His laughter died instantly and I indulged in a smug smile. 

“Terribly sorry, Rocky. It won't happen again.” He sounded so contrite I almost believed him. Almost. 

“You’re a good actor, I’ll give you that.” I laughed.

"Right. See you on the 28th! And Happy Christmas, Rocky." He put the phone down.

I sat staring at my mobile a moment, feeling that little quiver of excitement in my belly... and further south that I always got anticipating a good romp with Tom. He's always good value...

Oh Christ, does this mean I'll have to get him a Christmas present?? Because I know he'll get me something. Posh Tom always observes the niceties. So, what the hell does one get for your favorite fuck-buddy? A six pack of flavored lube??

****

“So, what are you feeding me tonight then, Hiddleston? Are we foraging again?” I asked, reminding him of our first night together as I hopped up on the kitchen side and leaned on my elbow. 

“Ah, I planned ahead,” he said, lifting a finger, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. 

“Oh?” 

“I made a bolognese—“ 

“Bless you!” I interrupted, trying not to giggle Tom drew himself up and peered down his posh nose at me.

“I’ll have you know, madam, that my sauce is nothing to sneeze at!” I snickered and held my hands up in surrender. 

“Ahem. As I was saying. I made a bolognese sauce earlier, so we just have to reheat it and boil up some pasta.” He rummaged in the fridge and came out with two packets of Marks and Spencer fresh pasta. “Penne or tagliatelle?” he asked. 

“The one that looks like fat spaghetti,” I said. Yes, I was playing up my ignorance- but considering dried shells are as close as I usually get to fresh pasta, -not by much. 

“I wouldn't call it fat.” He tilted his head and smiled as he shoved the penne back into the fridge. “...More like it’s been squished flat.” He tilted his head consideringly.

“You mean you’re gonna give me roadkill pasta?” I asked, hamming up my horrified look. “That can’t be real! It’s a fake noodle! It’s an impasta, I tell you!” 

He roared with laughter. “Oh, don’t ever change, Rocky.” He shook his head despairingly as he began clattering around with pots and plates. 

Fifteen minutes later we were sitting down to a very civilised meal of tagliatelle bolognese, garlic bread and red wine for him, beer for me.

“So, what have you been up to since I last saw you?” I asked. 

“Oh, little of this, little of that?” he said vaguely, waving his fork. I narrowed my eyes.

“And...without the bullshit?” 

He laughed and shook his head before taking a sip of wine, and wiping his lips with his serviette.

“Well... Not much other than ‘Betrayal’ rehearsals, to be honest. I’ve got a few projects in the pipeline for after this play run is over, but who knows how long they’ll be stuck in development, and I’m actually working on something I’d like to produce, but it’s early days.” Tom’s voice was a little hesitant, as if he’s reluctant to jinx it.

“So you’d be behind the scenes?” I asked interestedly as I took a sip of my beer. 

“And acting in it, I hope. I do love the acting, I just...want to branch out a little.” 

“So what sort of film is it?” 

“Well, a rom-com, actually.” He looked like he was bracing himself for me to take the piss. But I’d never give him grief over something that so clearly is something dear to him. 

“What’s it about?” I asked curiously, swirling my fork in the pasta.

“Well,” he blinked and looked a little nonplussed. “Most people tell me I should stick to serious acting at this point…”

“But you’d be a great comedy actor!” I was offended on his behalf, waving my fork around. “And I can personally testify to the rom bit of the rom-com” I tilted my head thoughtfully. “Well, maybe the sex bit of the rom-com. Is it gonna be R rated? ‘Cos if not, my review probably isn't gonna help much.” 

He laughed again. “It’s based on a book actually.” Now that he knew I wasn't going to sneer at him, he became really animated, talking with his hands. He laid it all out for me, the entire plot of the book—

“Oi! Spoilers!”

“Sorry, love,” he tried to look sheepish but he could tell I wasn't really mad. “Anyway, as I was saying—” and he was off again, detailing the changes between book and script. 

I might have felt a little like I was back in school, but his enthusiasm for his subject made it interesting, and the book did sound good. Unusually, this was going to be a Netflix original with only a very limited cinematic release. He explained that Netflix were giving them more latitude with the movie and besides, streaming seemed to be the wave of the future and he really needed to at least experience it for himself. 

How he managed to eat during all this I’m not sure, but his table manners never faltered, despite his enthusiasm. I actually finished after him, probably because I’m a little out of practice eating ribbon pasta. 

“This is bloody lovely,” I told him. “You could probably sell the recipe.” 

“It made a magazine once,” he said nonchalantly as he took a sip of wine.

“Really?” He had to be kidding but he looked truthful. 

“Honestly and sincerely.” He put his hand over his heart as he spoke. 

I decided I didn't need to know if his bolognese was famous or not. 

“I’ve never had fresh pasta before—well, not at home. I’ll bet it cost a pretty penne.” I innocently took a sip of my beer.

Tom groaned.

“What? Olive food puns!”

He groaned again. I win!

I swallowed the last bite of pasta, looking mournfully at my empty plate. Wiping my mouth carefully with my serviette I side-eyed Tom.

He shook his head in disgust at my terrible jokes, but the smile on his lips belied his disdain. 

“Come on, let’s get comfy on the couch,” he offered, taking our plates to the sink. 

“Need a hand?” 

“I just have to load the dishwasher. Why don’t you pick something for us to listen to?”

I browsed his CD collection and discovered everything from opera to The Pet Shop Boys, to Littlemix. And the Jungle Book soundtrack. The boy had varied tastes, that’s for sure. I chose a 90s compilation album and took a seat on his sofa. Tom came in moments later, his wine glass topped up and a fresh beer for me. 

I accepted the beer with thanks and as he sat down, I reached into my rucksack, which I’d packed with clean clothes for the morning. 

"So..." I held the box that I'd wrapped with my own bloody hands, instead of dropping it into a gift bag like a sane person. He snickered when I described my troubles to him, as he carefully peeled the cellotape and paper away. I showed him the paper cut on my finger, and he poor baby’d me, offering to kiss it for me. 

The look on his face when he uncovered the boxed Velociraptor action figure... His fingers traced over the box gently, and he looked up, stunned. I mean, really. Stunned. I rushed to explain, feeling my cheeks heat.

"Um. When I was 9, I got that for my older brother, Dave, for Christmas. He... Well, he was my older brother. He was 14 or 15, and wasn't much interested in kid's toys any longer. He never even opened it, as you see." I shrugged off my remembered hurt at Dave's distinctly unenthusiastic reception to what I’d thought was a fantastic Christmas present. I nonchalantly took another sip of my beer.

"I found it in a box of bits and bobs in Dad's attic... So, I rang up Dave and asked if he'd like to have it back. He suggested that I could donate it to a kid’s shelter, but kiddies today don't want toys from 25 year old films. I thought of you..." My eyes went to the Jurassic Park film poster framed on the wall next to a tall bookcase.

I shrugged sheepishly, a little embarrassed about re-gifting something to him, but the look of awe and delight on his face made me relax and breathe out.

"So... You like it?" I asked diffidently. Tom's eyes came up to mine, an odd, shiny glimmer in them.

“Darling, do you have any idea what these toys are worth? And it’s mint condition, in the box!” Suddenly he thrust it back towards me. “No, this is too much, I can’t accept it.”

I confess, I hadn't realised it was worth any money. Still, money couldn’t buy the look on his face when he first saw the thing.

“Tom, I paid about a tenner for it and if Dave had wanted it, he'd have opened it. If I had wanted it, I’d have kept it.” I pushed it back towards him. “But you want it, I can see it in your eyes. And don’t you dare keep it in the fucking box on a shelf! Toys were meant to be played with.” I jerked my chin down firmly, punctuating my point.

He hesitated briefly, searching my face, then that gleeful grin of his broke free and he nearly tore the box in his haste to get the toy out. 

For the rest of our evening, the dinosaur would randomly appear. He and Tom would steal up behind me and try and make me jump, complete with velociraptor sound effects courtesy of Tom. When I asked a question, Dino would appear and answer me with squawks and growls instead. It was silly and childish... and I hadn't laughed so hard in ages! 

Finally, in sheer self defense, I snatched the toy away.

“Hey!” He complained. “Give Thesaurus back!”

“He’s a velociraptor.” I sounded confused.

“I know, but his name is Thesaurus,” he said with a smug grin.

“Well he’s mine now,” I said in my best villain voice. “Bwahaha! Besides, my ribs hurt from laughing so much, you bloody loon!” I wheezed and shook Thesaurus at him. “And Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures! I’ll be a tyrannosaurus wrecked if you keep this up!”

“I give up,” he said, holding his hands up. “You’ve out punned me.” 

“Victory!” I threw my hands up and quick as a flash, Tom stole Thesaurus and ran from the room. 

“Bloody tea leaf!” I yelled after him. “I’ll report you! I can see the headlines now, ‘Hollywood A Lister Steals Thesaurus, Words Flow!’” 

Tom came back, his hands firmly behind his back, a sneaky little grin at the corner of his mouth. 

I was expecting more dino antics, but I wasn’t completely shocked when he brought a prettily wrapped present out. Niceties observed. It’s a pity that I’m not nice, really. I squealed and snatched the box from his hands.

I ripped open the paper, not at all as carefully or delicately as he had opened his own, and lifted the lid of the elegant black box. I peeked, and oh hell, the bastard had got my size exactly right. They were pretty, but unexceptional satin black, high cut briefs, rather retro looking. In the front. The back, well. Fuck me. Though I supposed that must be the idea...

I lifted the silky knickers from the nest of pink tissue paper. The back was made of six crisscrossing ribbons with a tiny red bow at each junction. I stared at them. My arse will look amazing in them. I could not hide the enormously pleased smile on my face.

Tom's delighted grin glinted at me and then his face went serious. He's as clever an actor as they claim if he can make his expression go from naughty 5 year old to naughty adult a flash like that. His eyes though…

He reached out and gathered my hands, ducking his head to look up into my eyes, doing a damned good impression of puppy dog eyes.

"Darling, I'm 'assin' nicely."

"Well then." I scooped up and dangled the beautiful excuse for knickers on my finger and gestured at the stairs to his room.

"I'll just go get...less comfortable," I said, tossing my hair over my shoulder flirtatiously.

Tom gripped my elbow and brought his lips close to my ear.

"There's no need for you to go so far, darling. I'll just turn my back, shall I?" His voice was suddenly deep and velvet. I opened my mouth on...absolutely nothing, gaping like a cod fish, robbed of all the words once more. His smile was so smug, it should have been illegal. Cheeky bastard. Right, then.

I waited for him to turn his gentlemanly back and stripped off, being careful to make plenty of rustling noises to keep his attention occupied. I carefully wriggled into the ridiculous knickers pretty eagerly, twisting to get a view of my backside. Um. Wow. I put my heeled boots back on. Oh yeah, that’ll do for him.

I bent at the waist, shaking my hair out and flipping it back, then turned away and clasped my hands at the small of my back.

"Are you going to ignore me all night, Mr. Hiddleston?" I purred, looking over my shoulder coquettishly.

He chuckled. "Not at all..." He turned round and his voice stuttered to a halt. That was flattering. He stood still, his eyes glittering as they tracked down my body and back up again. I slowly pivoted on my toes to face him.

I looked down at myself, my brown waves touching the tops of my breasts, just long enough for the ends to brush my hard standing nipples. Couldn’t see much further down, the girls are a bit prominent.

Tom came to life, sauntering toward me, his hand reaching out to tweak a strand of hair away and run a finger down my arm as I shivered.

I opened my mouth to say... I have no idea what, and snapped it shut as his finger drew along my waist and walked slowly around me. I could hear his breathing stutter to a stop again when he rounded behind me.

He stood still, saying nothing as I stared straight ahead chewing my lip, waiting, jumping when a fingertip traced one of the ribbons that went from my right hip, across my left cheek, and he fucking swore aloud. The hair stood up on my arms at the sound.

"Rocky, you are...exquisite," he breathed.

I twisted to look down at my arse and then cheekily up at him.

"I know, right?" I wriggled my arse. "You have good taste."

"Oh, I do indeed," he murmured in a slightly sinister voice.

My breath caught at his tone. I was beginning to learn that it makes him hotter, damn near incandescent, when I get sassy.

Suddenly Tom's fully clothed body was pressed against my back, his arms circling around my waist and pulling me back to grind against my arse, lips buried in my neck, taking every bit of air from my lungs.

Oh fuck me, the man does understand foreplay. He plays me like a bloody violin, every goddamn time. Abruptly he pulled me into motion, nearly dragging me up the stairs to his room and pushing me down on the bed. I crawled backwards on my elbows, never taking my eyes from his.

I reached to shove my pretty new knickers down, but he brushed my hands away, slowly peeling them from me himself and dropping them beside me.

His hands glided over me in a way that made me feel like my skin is made of silk, all delicate and shit. No, seriously. He had a way of touching me as if he were afraid that his hands were too big and clumsy, afraid he'll bruise me. His lips slid over me in open-mouthed kisses, and his tongue tasted my skin as if my sweat was fucking champagne... and oh, Christ, what he does to my pussy...delicate, teasing caresses, tasting me as if I possessed some secret flavor that he must discover, as if I were some morsel that he needs to savor and eventually devour.

In the meantime he seemed to be hell bent on forcing me to beg for it, balancing me on some fine knife edge, never letting me fall over.

"Christ Thomas, don't be a cock tease!" I said, clutching his shoulders and lifting my hips fruitlessly. His head lifted from between my thighs, a grin lighting his eyes.

"Um, I believe you've got that word the wrong way around, darling. I'm teasing you with my mouth not my cock…" His voice purred over my skin and I shivered.

"Cock, mouth, whatever! Stop being a prick and let me come!" I whined as I writhed on his bed.

He really should know better by now than to give me an urgent motive to talk! He chuckled and ducked down to give me a quick lick. I nearly came off the bed, it felt like my clit had been zapped. I yelped surprise. When he appeared content to continue tormenting me, I pushed at his shoulders and bucked my hips.

"Off! Get off!" I demanded. He knelt up, looking confused. His confusion faded as I twisted and snatched up the condom on the bedside table and tore it open frantically.

My fingers were shaking with my need. I rolled the thing onto that gorgeous cock as I muttered about having to do everything myself around here...

Tom had sat back on his heels, watching with a smirk as I fumbled hastily, his breath coming fast. The moment the condom was seated he had me on my back in a flash, my knees hooked over his elbows, thrusting inside me, so so deep.

I cried out some garbled sound and my hips strained upward, seeking to get him even deeper. I felt the deep reverberating ache that told me he was hitting my cervix, and clenched my thighs around his waist. I was lost, totally unable to hold off. It had been awhile, alright? Nearly a week!

I was off, snatched by the whirlwind and rolled under and over, breath stopped and sheeted in sensation. Tom kept right on going through my climax, pushing me ahead of him, until he followed me over, his face buried in my neck and breath bellowing out of him, shaking.

He lay atop me, crushing me for a moment, but I didn't have the strength to shift him, and I wouldn't have made him move for worlds anyway.

"Fuck, Rocky..." He mumbled into my hair before he rolled off me. He grabbed my hand as he let out a shaky laugh.

“Happy Christmas...” I mumbled.


End file.
